Some more whys

Well I had my first interview today since being laid off. I hope it went well. With the old company, they said they wouldn't give out personal references and that any requests would have to go through Human Resources.. the person that interviewed me today said that he knew my old manager and would contact her. I'm in a wreck to see if they will hinder me from getting this job. I just don't feel as important as I used to. I mean the interview went so well and I could do this job easy! But whether I will get hired is another thing .. I know I will though.. I've just gotta stay positive for the sake of my future. Why is it so hard to be positive. You'd think it would be so easy to just think good thoughts. Is this a chemical imbalance that I have.. or a low self esteem. I used to be so positive until this layoff happened. Now I just worry all the time over EVERYTHING! I feel inept. Its such a struggle to remain positive in these times and I feel like I'm losing a big part of what makes me ... me. I suppose if people talk to me about their issues, I always look for the positive so I'm never negative for their sake. . . but why not my own. Maybe I am just focusing on making sure everyone else is happy that I can't convince myself. . . but why should I have to convince myself. . . I hope to see the old me.. I want to stop being so grumpy and down in the dumps... I guess the only person who can do this is me! So I will. I will be back to normal by the new year! I promise myself. It shouldn't be hard. just got to change the way I think. I'm going to do it world!